There is something disorientating about being back home. It's like I never left, but at the same time it feels like I've never returned. It's almost dream-like. I still remember how to do that laundry and how to work the dish washer, but I forgot how to work my shower and was confused as to why I didn't have a bathtub. I forgot that we don't have soup for breakfast but instead cereal, which I had grow used to being a dessert item.
My language skills are interesting to say the least. I switch and forget words, and I don't know how long it'll take it to go away. I hit this stage when I was in Japan, I still suffered from it when I was leaving. Forgetting words just seems to be a part of who I am, but remembering the most random words or meanings seems to have become a skill. I can't remember the word for return (like returning an item) in Japanese but I remember the word for the concept of evolution. The simplest things throw me through the loop.
I call things by their Japanese terms translated into English. I called the washing machine the laundry machine. I get lost in translation and how appliances differ between countries. I got confused with the sink and why it had two places to put dishes instead of one. I was confused with the garbage for the first day before I remembered that we don't have extreme recycling laws here.
I'm no longer surrounded by people that I can switch between Japanese and English as I see fit, my friends and family don't understand the Japanese I blurt out on occasion whereas my friends on the other side of the world do. I feel like there's a level missing from my communication skills because of this. I don't have the daily practice so I have to work that much harder now that I'm back.
It's getting easier here, I'm no longer getting sick with every meal and I'm no longer quite so off kilter with time. Having a routine helps a lot. It keeps me on track and is letting me get back into the swing of American life style. Not that is' a bad different, it's just foreign to me on a few levels. Just as Japan was home but not quite, home has become the same. I had heard that this would happen, that I would be stuck between the two and no longer fully at home in either situation anymore. It's worth it though, so very worth it.
There were some aspects of the English language I missed. I can be transparent with my meanings, I can be ambiguous, and can be very humble in Japanese. I remember reading somewhere that how people talk changes depending on the language they speak. I believe that to be true. In English I'm straightforward and have a good understanding of puns and spoken word play. In Japanese I'm quieter, less straightforward and more inclined to dance around the subject (that's something I had to work on getting better at), and I can be either extremely formal or informal to the point that I would only speak that way to the best of my friends.
Either language is comfortable to me on some level. I prefer to speak in Japanese if I have to be formal (I'm also more comfortable apologizing in Japanese because of the layers you can use to express yourself), and the worst part is that formal Japanese doesn't really have accurate translations that have as deep a feeling to them to be as the original Japanese words. I prefer English when I'm joking around with friends, I just have a better grasp on joking and playing around with words in English than I do Japanese. Though, I do like how informal Japanese can be and how it makes you seems at total ease with the people around you.
English is great for communicating, Japanese is good for understanding. I still manage to screw up them both.
Besides language, the scenery. The scenery is so very different here. I'm not cradled by mountains and flanked by the ocean. I'm not surrounded but the low laying clouds or the seasonal weather I grew used to. There were parts of it I didn't enjoy, humidity being the main one, but I adjusted and acclimated. It's strange coming back to climate of Minnesota. From dead heat with humidity to dead heat with lightning storms. I'm surrounded by fields and farming instead of the wildness and rice paddies. I lived in the middle of the Japanese countryside.
The sights here in Minnesota are so foreign and familiar that it feels like dejavu when I look out the window. It feels like I never left because I returned around the same time I took off. The scenery hasn't really changed, my house hasn't changed much except for a few things outside that have been changed around. It just feels strange, happy/sad strange, to be back.
I'm happy to sleep in my own bed and eat my mom's food. I'm happy to be back with my family, friends, and pets. I really am happy to be back, but at the same time it almost feels like I'm not back. I didn't let myself think about returning when I was abroad. I refused to let myself think about that because I believed it would take away from the time I had to spend with my host families in Japan. It's just a strange feeling to not have to block my thoughts on being back home anymore.
I'll have more blogs about Japanese life coming up, I wanted to get this one out of the way because the content was nagging me and was making it hard to write other blogs... I also have a big meeting coming up in Grand Rapids, Michigan where Exchange Students from around the area get together to talk about our experiences and trade stories and trade secrets with the new exchange students who are getting ready to leave.
See You Soon
また近いうちに
Mata chikaiuchiniou
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