My concept of family has always been very loose. Yes there are blood relations, but there are also those who have no ties to you through genetics that are sometimes more family than the person who have you chunks of genetic code. A few of my friends in America I even considered close enough to be true family status. I care about all of my friends, please don't get me wrong, but some just mean a little more than others.
Here in Japan I have a whole gaggle of lovely new nieces and a
nephew. These little people, I can’t
even truly explain them in such a way that covers all that they mean to me at
the moment.
I like that my Japanese kids sneak into my room and
sometimes cuddle with me. I like that
they creep through my door when I’m studying to watch me or enjoy my American
music. I like that they want to be around
me because I personally don’t mind being alone, but I like company.
They are cute, can be quiet, and help me with my Japanese a
lot. They get that I don’t understand
and they don’t mind repeating themselves over and over. They think it’s a game whereas adults get
frustrated with my inability to hear hidden sounds.
This extends to my American children and my Japanese ones.
Some weekend mornings my usual quartet may be waiting for me
to get up to play. They let me eat,
sometimes crawling into my lap to get a bite, but they wait nonetheless. Then we play.
Sometimes I’m the Oni and chase them.
Sometimes I’m chased. Now that
the kotatsu (I’ll talk about it more in another post soon, for now it’s just a
heated table with a blanket that goes over your legs) is out, we have a new
hiding and playing zone.
I chase them around and let them hide, then I come barreling
around the corner and dive under the table to get at my Pet’s feet. They giggle and squeal and then run out and
away. Repeat as many times as you desire
and there is the game right there.
I was told to call them Pet-chan when I first came. Japanese doesn’t have plurals, so it stands
for all of them. I have my main four
that I usually help out with and play with.
I don’t think I could have adjusted as quickly and easily if
I didn’t have them. They make everything
a little bit easier to deal with.
I’m not having to miss having a big family, because I have a
huge one here. I’m not missing on our
gathers, because although my family is large, they don’t ‘gather’ much. I have my foreigner family for that.
My host family is great, don’t get me wrong. They are very kind, offer me help, tell me
their secrets, and entertain me. In
return I teach them, learn from them, and show every bit of kindness I can in
return. I am a part of their family, much
like the shop assistants are. You become
an honorary member, and I like that feeling.
The one thing I’m missing from my family here in Japan in an
understanding. They don’t really get
what is going on with me. They don’t
understand that my mind is currently in a transition between Japanese and
English, constantly flip flopping and trying to grasp at words and sentences to
make sense of them. It gives you
headaches that’s for sure. I’m beginning
to make sense of the mess of language in my mind, it’s slow, but I’m getting
there.
My host family doesn’t give me the understanding I need, the
reassurance that this is normal. That it’s
okay to get snappish every now and then because nothing comes out of your mouth
right in either language. That’s what
your foreigner friends are for. They
sort of become a part of your extended family as well.
I can say personally, that I care deeply for my fellow
Rotarian students. I have an idea of
what is going on with them, as they do with me.
We get it, there is no need for explanations. They understand that you would rather talk in
English at the moment to give yourself a break.
They understand that you want to try out Japanese with them as to spread
your wings and test the waters again.
They get that, and most don’t mind.
I really appreciate what my foreigner friends have done and
are doing for me currently. I feel like
a burden to the older ones, the ones that are no longer Rotarians and are now
JET teachers. JET is a program where you
teach English abroad in Japan. I don’t
want to go too far into it right now, but that’s the step for me after college.
My extended family, of JET and Rotary, they are a support
net. They are just a phone call
away. They are just a Skype away. My American family is the same, but as much
as I love and adore them, they don’t get that sometimes my head hurts so bad I
don’t want to go to school and deal with the onslaught of language on my really
bad days. (Rest assured, my very good
days always outweigh my bad ones, but I am human and am allowed to be distressed
every now and then.)
Gatherings with any of these people, even just one on one,
never fails to boost my confidence and give that little push I need to move
on. Coffee with a friend is therapeutic
to me, I hope I keep this habit. It’s
nice to just talk in English for a while with someone who knows what they are
doing, what you are going through, and have a view point to compare your own
against. A barbeque with these same
people has almost the same effect, but with a more of a family atmosphere.
Some of my very best memories I have made here revolve
around shared food and talk with these people.
Both Rotarians and Jet and my Host Family. Nothing draws people together like food. Late night cookouts with people you may have just
met the day before, the hour before, or may have never met before. They still smile and hand you a plate,
telling you to help yourself to anything, to get comfortable, to enjoy
yourself. Jokes and stories are told, sometimes
in two tongues. Drinks are exchanged
between adults and kids run around playing their games. It’s nice to just sit back and watch it for a
minute, to enjoy everything going on around you. My best memories here are centered on such
times, I love every moment and everything seems perfect for a little
while. Watching the moon rise with new
friends who you consider family in a sense, listening to them sing, listening
to their stories, and just being around them.
For me, there is nothing truly better than such a gathering.
I loved them in America too.
My family threw the best parties.
I remember one Christmas, I was asked what I wanted. My reply was that I wanted us to all be
together for it. I love hanging out with
my family, playing Mexican train, bocce ball in the dark, bonfires, hay rides,
sitting with all of crammed into one living room, and spending vacations
together. It’s nice that although I am
not able to do this all with my American family right now, I can still do it with
my extended one!
On another note, I was considered a physical person back in
America. My friends could always count
on me for a hug, a hand to hold, and a physical presence if they needed
it. Just support through friendly touches
whenever they needed some support themselves.
I’m always grateful for a hug from any of them. Sometimes all you need is a hug from a friend
you may not remember the name of. A hug
from a new friend is reassuring in ways that are hard to explain. I like hugs from any and all of them.
Sometimes that’s all you need to have a sense of normalcy in
the world you chose to throw yourself in.
Many of these people, I can tell you right now, I will try
and keep contact with them as best as I can.
I will make an effort to upkeep our friendship and comradely. No one understand better than someone who has
done it themselves.
I find myself drawn to them, to their conversation. I find them truly interesting, my fellow Rotarians
and the JETs as well. We have common
ground to converse about, support in almost every sense, help where you may
need it, and a sense of that normalcy again.
These are my friends I will keep for years, even after we no longer talk
I will still remember them for what they meant to me during the times we
did. Just because the talks end doesn’t
mean friendship does as well. I will
always be stretched over the ocean in this way, between my homeland and the
home I am making for myself where ever I go.
I will be stretched to the places where my friends reside and are also
making homes for themselves. It’s a
giant web of connections, of family that shares no blood but is sometimes
stronger than real blood families.
Rotary is also very good about giving care when care is
needed most. People I don’t know, I
wouldn’t have known if they weren’t a part of my club, give me kindness in
small gestures. A gift here, a kind word
there, encouragements all around, and sense of belonging even when you ask for
none. They genuinely care if I am doing
okay, not saying that my family doesn’t, but it’s a surreal feeling when it
comes from near complete strangers. I appreciate
there actions, I have stated so before in this blog’s other posts, I will never
be able to repay them fully. I can only
prove their efforts by doing my hardest, by doing what I have set out to do,
what I left everything familiar behind for.
I have many mothers, fathers, siblings, cousins, aunts, and
uncles in the sense.
So this is my new family.
My extended family. It’s a bit
strange, not at all normal. It spans
many continents, countries, and cultures.
It’s a jumbled mess of names that I can’t always pronounce correctly,
but it’s okay. Name a country and I can
almost guarantee you I can name a friend or acquaintance that lives there or
has in the past. Name a language and I
almost give you a contact to help you learn it, or speak it with. My family encompasses so much and so little
when you think hard about it. We are just
specks, but united specks. There is
always a friend awake to talk to, to ask questions, and maybe just talk to for
a bit. My strange family indeed, but I
would be lying if I said I didn’t love every minute of it.
This is the home I am creating, and I’m filling it with all
these wonderful people and memories.
This is what I left for, what I spread myself out willingly for. This is exactly what I wanted and needed, and
just think. I’m only two months and
nearly two weeks into my exchange.
So much more is yet to come.
See You Soon
Mata chikaiuchini
また近いうちに
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