Confidence
So it’s almost New Year’s here. Everything is a rush with the holidays. People are bustling about, school is out for
now, and it’s the busiest I’ve been since I’ve gotten here.
I’ve also had time to think and center myself even with the
hustle and the bustle. I like have some
time to myself to think about how all of this has gone. It’s gone good, very, very good. I’m beyond happy with time in Japan and can’t
wait for more.
A major thing I think about is language. I’ve reached another block in my language skills
just like I did when I first got here.
It’s like a mental block where your brain is supplying English and
Japanese at once, making your mouth choose on its own without any held form the
mind. It frustrating, saying Japanese
when I want to speak English or vice versa.
My Japanese skills have gotten incredibly better over the
five months I have been here.
I barely knew a lick of Japanese before I landed. I knew how to say the important things. I knew how to ask for important things. I did not know how to hold a
conversation. I did not know
grammar. I did not have a vocabulary to
speak of.
I was pathetically lost for the first while.
People helped me. I
went to classes. I kept going to school
even though I felt discouraged with my lack of ability. I improved.
I improved to the point that I have a vocabulary, it may not be big, but
I can speak what’s on my mind sometimes.
I can add my two cents. I can
answer questions and discuss topics with others. I have to mentally work myself with each
conversation. I have to push my ability
to memorize and utilize.
Learning a language uses a whole new set of skills.
Sure, I’ve taken high school language calls. I took Spanish. I remember being pretty good at Spanish, it hadn’t
been hard to learn at all. Using is properly
had been the issue. Turns out Spanish is
closely related to English on the language tree. Sadly, Japanese is not.
I have always, in another language, understood more when
being spoken to rather than trying to speak myself. It’s useful, but at the same time it is very
limiting. I could listen to a
conversation in Spanish and get a basis of time, place, what was going on, and
who. I could write in Spanish very
well. I could do just about everything
but speak and that was what we were graded on.
I am faced with the same problems here in Japan. I can write Japanese decently if give the
time to think through what I need to say.
I can usually get my particle correct too! That’s important. I also understand more when I am spoken to
rather than speaking myself. It’s so
frustrating.
With these improvements in speaking comes the bigger and
bigger blocks I have to get over. Each
step with this language is fought for. It
is memorized, it is written down, it is stored away for study, and it is dreamed
about later. I dream in Japanese and
English now. It’s always a mix of thing
I do and don’t quite understand. Even in
my sleep I am working through the language.
I personally think that that’s pretty cool. It’s helped me make the leaps and bounds.
When I first came I could tell you my name and age. Now I can tell you those along with my school
club, what majors I want to get, the name of my college, my families relations
to me, and so much more. I can comment
on the weather, I can comment on how it’s so cold and that it’s nice to have a
cup of hot tea. I can tell people that I’m
tired. I can tell people that I’m
dreaming in Japanese. I can speak my
thoughts if I work on it. I can tell
them what I want to eat. I can tell them
when I’m missing someone or something.
These are things I took for granted. I took the ability to speak as a common place
idea. What else was I supposed to think
about thinking and speaking? It’s
something none of us really remember learning how to do. Most of us don’t remember learning the basics
of our own home tongue. Sure, we
remember expanding our vocabularies and learning the rules of grammar.
How many times have you corrected a kid when the say “That
didn’t went well.” “No, it’s ‘that didn’t
go well’.” You don’t really remember
those lessons growing up, but they were there I promise.
We speak and we think without ever thinking a second thought
about it. It’s our language. Basic English is usually mastered by the end
of Elementary if not before that. It
expands over the upcoming years of schooling, but you can function correctly in
society with basic speaking and reading after Elementary.
Here in Japan I couldn’t even read a road sign. There were no familiar alphabets in
sight. It was kanji only.
I’m learning them.
Slowly and surely I am learning them.
They have many meanings depending on how they are arranged, where they
are arranged, and what they are paired with.
I have a few mastered. They are
the most basic of basic but it’s a step.
Spoken Japanese isn’t complicated. It’s a language based on present and
past. It has a base in a lot of emotions
and sayings I don’t grasp quite yet.
The other day I was speaking with a classmate over the
internet. We were using Japanese. They felt brave enough to use kanji with
me. I appreciated that, it gives me a
chance to study and learn how to use them correctly. Learning by mimicking is something I am
excelling at.
I used a translator to decipher the words I didn’t know, and
in that moment my brain did what the translator was doing but it did it
better. I understood the sentence better
if I didn’t use the botched translation given to me by the internet. I was beyond proud in that moment. I understood what they were saying and asking
far better when I stepped away from the translations. Yes, I do need to still use it when I have
absolutely no clue what the combination of kanji and hiragana mean.
It’s physical proof to how much better I am doing.
It gives me that little push I need to help get over the
language and block and delve myself further into the language so I can continue
to express myself and my view of the world around me to people who are curious
about me. If that isn’t a confidence
boost, being able to communicate, then I don’t know what is.
So I have reached a block, but I have more than enough will
and help to get over it just as I did the first one! I am hungry for communicating with these
people. I want to learn what they have
to teach me. Things I can only learn
from them. It’s another push to get me
along my way that’s for sure.
With the New Year I want to continue. I want to continue until I can function
equally in both languages and cultures.
I am striving for that biculturalism I hear so much about. So here’s to trying for more, for reaching
for that star that seems just out of reach right now. I’m getting closer and I can feel it.
See You Soon
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