I think I've been really lucky with my host families to
far. Honestly. They have been wonderful to me. They helped me understand the new world I've
thrown myself into. Host families really
make the RYE experience what it is.
Sure, they are outings with the other Rotarians as groups to
go out and do cultural things, but those are once every few months. I don’t have exchangers close to me, so I’m separated
from them until the next conference or trip.
It’s not as bad as it sounds, I’m happy in a way about it. It allows me to be fully immersed.
In between those times with Rotary, I am left to live my
life. I’m living my life quite similarly
to how I did back home. I go to school,
I play with my families, I study, and I do extra things in my days. It’s not an exact replica of my life back
home, but it’s just the right amount to make me feel that I’m okay when I’m
sad.
My host families, they help and care for me as if I were
their own child, and I’m grateful for that.
I’m treated like an alien enough in my daily life that coming home is a
relief. I can talk freely with them
without fear of ridicule, they would rather correct me than laugh at me. They make sure I am happy, even in the little
things. It’s exasperating sometimes
because I’m honestly not a picky person.
Really, I don’t mind kids either, growing up in my life you don’t mind
kids.
I’m happy that I've been accepted as me, not just as an
exchange student, but my families see me as an intelligent person. Kids and teachers at school haven’t quite
grasped that. It’s not me being mean in
saying so, but think about this; what do you think about the ESL kid that is at
your own child’s school or your school?
Can they demonstrate their wit, their smarts, and their moral to you in
a way that you can understand yet?
It’s like that. They
don’t view me as stupid, but I’m not smart either. I do not mean to brag, but I am smart. But I’m smart enough to keep my mouth shut
because it’s not something I want to fight with the school about, not something
I want to start a fight with teachers about.
I would rather let them keep on believing while the ones who talk to me
start to understand that is a bit more to the strange girl with glasses in
class.
My host families are a place where there is no stress, no
pressure to perform. I appreciate them
and their attempts to comfort me, it really does help. They take me to English themed restaurants,
they buy me U.S. foods on occasion too, and truthfully it helps. I’m not sad, but I have an ache for home that
is taking a while to go away, maybe it won’t.
It’s just enough to remind me that I miss them without making it crippling to me in my daily life. There’s always a
little reminder that I am here and they are there. It’s not bad, I’m okay, honest. It just, it wears me thin sometimes.
My families have taken me to some of the coolest places here
in my mind. I've been to the Kyushu
National Museum, the Science Museum in the area here, I have been to the
mudflats, the best hot springs in the area, a flower convention, many a
festival, many a shopping trip, a Pokemon center, and many other places. I appreciate it because it shows me things I
could have never found out on my own.
There are also moments of random sweetness or gestures I didn't
expect from them that throw me through a loop that they really do care, that
they mind if I’m happy, sad, or tired.
My host sister made me a bento that was Santa themed for
school close to Christmas. I opened it
and was shocked to see something I’ve only seen in pictures. I received a Totoro and Cat Bus plush for Valentine’s
Day. I adore them. I’ve been given small amounts of money while
we go out to a new area so I can buy things for my Rotary Blazer. I have been given pin upon pin for my blazer,
it’s always a safe gift that never fails to make me smile. It’s like their goal is to make me smile.
They joke, they prod, they laugh, and they try their best in
every way to make me laugh, smile, and make some noise with them. I’ve had one Rotarian who I’ve had a past of
goofing off with come up to me one night at a banquet. He and I had a bit of a poke war for a few
minutes before I started to jab him in the side to make him flinch and he
returned the favor. That same Rotarian
and I have run around on our outings as a Club just goofing off. I have a Rotarian, the club leader this year,
who always finds me and makes sure I’m okay and we joke and laugh. It’s nice, that they care. That I, the strange girl with little
understanding, has been taken in by all these older women, men, and their
families.
It’s strange and wonderful all the same.
If I ever have a problem that I think I really do need help
on, I can come to them. I can rely on
them. That’s big to me.
So yes, I miss my family back in the U.S., but I’m in love
with my family here. That’s my biggest
problem. It will hurt to leave them, it
will hurt because no one back home will really have an understanding what these
people mean to me. I don’t blame them,
it’s really a thing only other exchange students can understand. Bonds forged under the adrenalin and pressure
of living daily life in a foreign environment changes the depth of those bonds
over a very short amount time. It’s like welding
two pieces of metal together.
Returning home is me putting strain on that section of metal that is used to meld the two pieces (read two worlds) together.
I’m not giving up on my world here, but I have to leave it
behind for a little bit to be able to come back. For me to be able to see my family here, my
extended mess of a family that I really do love.
As much as I want to go home, to be back with my family, I
don’t. I didn't expect to be drawn in as
hard as I have, to be as charmed as I am with my life here, and to be as loved
as I have been so far. It just takes me
back to think that when I first landed here I didn't think I would end up with
this mentality.
My host sister and I talked about this the other day
actually. She described it to me that I
have a very Japanese soul in that sense.
She has seen foreigners that couldn’t make it work, who couldn’t deal
with the differences, and she has seen people who have made it their living
being away from home like this. I like
her explanation. A piece of me I didn’t
know I had woke up here in Japan and really likes the style of life.
My family here has shown me a lot of Japan, but they have
shown me the side that not many others can see if they just travel here. It’s daily life.
You cannot walk up to an exchanger and ask such an open
ended question. “How was
so-and-so-country?”
I could sit and tell stories for weeks on end, and still I
feel that it wouldn’t do it any justice.
I live here. I truly
live here. I have family here (I label
them as my family because I’ve never been one to be picky over blood), I have friends here, I have a life here that
is fairly stable, and I am living. I am
not just existing, I am living my life.
So ask me that question and I’ll just smile and say, “It was
good, really good.” Because no matter
what else I say, I won’t be able to explain to them what it really meant to
me. I can’t explain to them what I am
learning and have learned. I can’t
explain to them how it changed my view of the world and humanity itself. I just can’t because there aren’t strong
enough words in the English Language to describe how I feel.
I will miss my families.
I will miss the random cuddles from the kids. I will miss the smiles and easy laughs as I
make a quick joke that actually makes sense.
I will miss looking out my window and seeing the neighborhood come alive
in the mornings. I will miss the feeling
that even though I am so disconnected I am tethered. I will honestly miss this crazy life, this
life that seems to want to pull the rug out from under me, and this crazy life
that seems to be happy enough to keep me pushing the boundaries of what I am
comfortable with.
This is a big off topic, but it just popped into my mind.
“Make practice like war, and war will be like practice.”
This has been practice for my life, my life as a college student
and beyond. Practice for becoming an ‘adult’
in the eyes of the world. This has been
the hardest experience in my life but the harder the experience is, the more
you grow from it. Life back home will be
easier than ever if I let it be that way.
The world back home isn’t as scary as I once pictured it.
Sure there are many things I need to learn, but I think I
can make it work.
Back on topic!
I really appreciate my families because I feel that this exchange
would have been… well I can’t even imagine it without these people. RYE is a chance of a lifetime, but it’s these
people, people who take you in without really knowing who you are, that make it
the magic that it is.
So thank you. I feel
that I can never thank you enough. Thank
you for putting up with me needing more sleep than an average person because
some days I am just too overwhelmed with language information and have to sleep
off the headache. I thank you for
putting up with my need for a decent schedule in the morning and that I am
sometimes disgruntled when it’s broken.
I thank you for allowing me my ‘me time’ so I can cope with whatever it
was that may have happened that day.
Thank you for letting me show you what the world looks like through my
eyes. Thank you for explaining how your
world works because although very little truly surprises me, I am still lost
some days. Thank you for letting me
rough house with your kids. Thank you
for trusting me enough to watch after them on occasion as well. Thank you for treating me as a functioning
human who can take care of her own basic needs without any help.
Thank you for being guides, guardians, and surrogates to me
while I figure out my place in the madness.
I can never thank you enough.
また近いうちに
Mata chikaiuchiniou
No comments:
Post a Comment